May 12, 2005

Last night I decided to watch CSI New York for the first time ever. The only reason for my sudden urge to watch Lieutenant Dan play the role of a NY Grissom was that the episode was about a Red Sox fan who gets killed at a Yankees game. Since just about every time a movie or TV show features a sports-related segment, there are glaring mistakes, I had to tune in.

Some semi-recent examples of this include:

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days:
My wife forced me to see this Oscar-worthy movie back in 2003, so please don’t lose respect for me (if you had any to begin with). In the film, the NY Knicks and Sacramento Kings are playing in the NBA Finals (not very believable considering how bad the Knicks have been this decade, but not factually incorrect).

However, Games 1, 2 and 3 are all held at Madison Square Garden – something that is impossible, yet completely overlooked by the writers, who apparently couldn’t take the extra 23 seconds to research how the NBA Finals actually work.

Monday Night Madness:
Decent TV movie from three years ago that focused on Howard Cosell and the early days of Monday Night Football on ABC. During the movie, clips are shown of a Vikings game that was supposed to be taking place sometime in the early-to-mid seventies. Yet, in the footage, you can see Randy Moss and other recent Vikings, all playing indoors on Astroturf – something the Vikings didn’t even start doing until 1982. Am I supposed to think that Moss has been on the Vikings for 30 years and that he is still active at 50-plus years of age? Just embarrassing, yet I’m sure very few people even realized this, or cared.

Back to CSI.

Now I understand quite well, especially after working for Major League Baseball for five years, that many times people don’t pay for the rights to use logos and player names. So the fact the both the Yankees and Red Sox uniforms looked nothing even remotely close to what they actually do, isn’t that a big deal.

What really irked me was that early in the show an aerial shot was shown of what is supposed to be Yankee Stadium. Unless the Yankees recently replaced all blue seats with red ones, made all the stadium walls green and removed monument park, the shot of the Stadium seemed to resemble Angels Stadium a lot more than the House that Ruth Built.

The show is obviously all filmed in LA (considering the streets of Manhattan look more like downtown Des Moines than NYC), but would it have been that hard, even if they couldn’t somehow get a helicopter to fly over Yankee Stadium, to at least computer generate some blue seats? Even a novice baseball fan would have to realize that the Yankees don’t play in a Christmas colored park.

I just don’t get these things sometimes.

On to this week’s Klayman Katastrophe Award nominees?

John Buck and Miguel Olivo

While I don’t own either one of them, there must be some people out there who have had the misfortune of employing both sub-Mendoza backstops this year.

Combined they are hitting .290. That’s if you add together Buck’s .163 average and Olivo’s .127 mark — something that’s not mathematically correct, but still fun to do considering that average is still lower than seven starting catchers — including former .218 hitter Jason Phillips.

Making matters worse for owners of the undynamic duo were both players’ recent performances in big offensive games. Buck pulled off his standard 0-for-3 (done it seven times in 26 games) in KC’s 10-8 defeat of Baltimore on Sunday, and Olivo still managed an 0-for-4 in Wednesday’s 30-hit Yankees-Mariners game in the Bronx.

Jason Lane

If you owned Lane on April 21, you were very happy with his production, especially since he was probably a late-round pick for you.

If you owned Lane this morning, you probably were pretty miserable for not trading him while his value was through the roof.

Let’s take a look at his first 62 ABs, compared to his last 62 ABs

First 62: .371 AVG, 23 hits, 4 HR, 12 RBIs, 10 Runs, 5 SB
Last 62: .097 AVG, 6 hits, 1 HR, 3 RBIs, 5 Runs, 0 SB

Notice any difference?

Jose Reyes, Alex Gonzalez, Chone Figgins, Orlando Cabrera

Not a very good week for middle infielders. These four players (I’m sure someone out of the millions of fantasy owners out there, actually has all four of these guys on one team) combined to go 8-for-86 (.093) with no homers, one RBI and one steal this past week.

Just think, you could have picked up Felipe Lopez a week ago and he would have given you two more hits, one more homer and seven more RBIs than all four of those guys together.

What’s my point? There is none.

Paul Wilson

When does 5 IP, 12 H, 5 ER actually look good for a starting pitcher? If in his previous start he pitched 0.0 IP and allowed eight earned runs.

Cincinnati wound up giving up 10 first-inning runs to the Dodgers, the most it has surrendered in the opening frame since 1952, when the Reds allowed a Major League record of 15 first-inning runs to the Brooklyn Dodgers.

When was the last time a pitcher allowed that many runs without retiring a single batter? Actually, it was on July 10, 2003, and the pitcher was none other than Paul Wilson, who gave up eight runs (seven earned) before exiting without an out to his credit.

Wilson’s ERA rose from an already ugly 5.25 to a miserable 7.25 in just one game.

Tim Redding

A lot of people I know thought Redding was finally due for a big year in 2005. Doesn’t look like it’s going to happen after his first seven starts. The Padres hurler almost equaled Wilson’s first-inning magic, when he allowed eight runs and eight baserunners before being pulled with two outs in the first inning last Sunday. Redding’s ERA now stands at 8.76, the only NL pitcher with more than five starts to have an 8.00-plus ERA besides?

Oliver Perez

Will a week ever pass without his name making this column? I gave him one final chance last week to earn my trust. After all, this guy was 12-10 with a 2.98 ERA and 239 K in 196 IP last year, he has to come around sometime right?

After a 5.1-10-8-8-2-1 outing, I finally sent Perez to my bench, although at this point my ERA and WHIP are ruined for all eternity.

He wound up missing his only start this week due to a sore shoulder, although a bruised ego was probably the real reason.

The worst part of all of this came Monday night. I was cleaning off my desk, for the first time in months, and came across a small draft that a bunch of industry "experts" and I held over lunch back in March. We were only allowed to pick nine players, with only one starter.

I had completely forgotten this event had ever occurred, and checked to see who I had actually drafted. Sure enough, my one pitcher is Perez, meaning I have already clinched last in every pitching category.

Somehow, it just keeps getting worse.

And this week’s Klayman Katastrophe Award winner is?
Wilson. Couldn’t Dave Miley have at least left him in to get the pitcher out? Has any starting pitcher, besides Paul Wilson, ever been taken out with the opposing pitcher due up next? I can’t imagine anyone will have a worse pitching line ever again.

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